Relationship Insanity
by Artistically Insightful
Summary: The young trolls don't know how to properly engage in polyamorous matespritships which causing confusion and Kankri to be constantly triggered. Let's see what happens when you double or triple up on matesprits and other romances without knowing how to go about it properly. Kind of a crackfic.
1. Chapter 1

**My first Homestuck fic that's being posted on here :D**

* * *

A group of young adult trolls (21 years old) sat in ontop of Sollux' house in a circle. Sollux' lusus was asleep and wasn't going to wake anytime soon.

You two look at each other in awe and then to the person in question. One looking utterly disgusted while the latter very bored and disinterested.

''WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY!?'' Karkat rolled his eyes and looked back and forth in complete disbelief.

Eridan, the troll in question snarled looking down in an attempt to hide his blush. ''I-I want to join you guy's-

Eridan was cut off by Karkat attempting to punch him but Sollux held him back. ''Calm down. He's not worth it. It's probably some sick joke.''

Eridan shakes his head but then grunts,''Just forget it.''

Karkat sighs,''I'm sorry, ya know how I get at times. Just...Just explain this to me again.''

Eridan let's out a sigh,''WWell I just wwanted to knoww if it wwould be okay if wwe try...You and me I mean,at havving a matespritship.''

Karkat looked suspicious,''Are you sure this isn't a ploy to hurt Sollux? Because if you hurt my matesprit I'll fuck you up. You know that?'' Karkat gave him a stern look.

Eridan nods,''I understand Karkat.''

Sollux said,''Okay so let'th all calmly talk thith out. Even though I can't fucking thand you. I am open to sharing Karkat and Karkat shares me with someone else.''

''Oh?'' Eridan says sounding very interested,''And wwho might that be?''

''None of your fuckin' busineth bitch.'' Sollux answers very quickly.

Karkat rolls his eyes,''Sollux is embarassed of his secondary partner. We don't trust you enough yet.''

Eridan looked intrigued but didn't push it any further. Eridan then asked curiously,''So can I be your secondary matesprit?''

''I'll think about it...'' Karkat answers,''And about Sollux you can be his kimesis if you wish just beware of his secondary matespriteship.''

Sollux growled at Karkat,''Thut up! Thut up! Thut up Karkat!''

Karkat snickered and shrugged. Karkat then said,''So what about you and Feferi?''

Eridan points at Sollux,''This jackass fucked that up.''

''HAHA! You fucking ugh! She didn't want you from the beginning! She was digging me but I just see me and her as friends! Don't blame me for ANYTHING!''

''Bring it down babe. BRING IT DOWN!'' Karkat ironically screamed.

Karkat looked up as if he though thinking,''Oh and this might get confusing so that's why I encourage us to have a very open atmosphere with eachother. I may be getting another matesprit.''

''Jegus!'' Eridan exclaimed.

''LOOK FUCKER! ME AND TEREZI HAVE HAD A THING FOR A VERY LONG TIME!'' Karkat exclaimed. Sollux nods in agreement and adds,''Eridan you'll just have to learn how to take things in stride. And no jealousy. Absolutely no possessiveness. It's only natural to feel these things from time to time but just talk it out with us. We'll understand. But YOU DO NOT OWN ANYONE.''

''Yes.'' Karkat agrees.

Sollux sighed, But sadly my other matesprit does not agree.''

Karkat patted his back.

Eridan looked like his brain was utterly fried. The two land dwellers couldn't help but laugh softly.

''50LLUX WH3R3 4R3 U?!'' They heard a voice squeal.

Sollux blushed and said,''Talking with a friend. I'll be there in a second.''

''15 d47 c488y k47 wi7h u!?'' Mituna screamed.

''N-No not at all bro now calm down and go back inside!'' Sollux could tell Mituna was peeping outside because his voice sounded close.

Mituna growled and started stomping,''I75 mai 7urn 4 attention! My turn! My turn!'' Mituna jumped up and down,''He gets everything! EVERYTHING!''(Switching to normal text so you can read it XD)

''What the fuck Mituna. Chill. Just chill bro.'' Sollux says sighing.

Mituna got quiet and then pointed,''Who the fuck is that!? WHO IS THAT SOLLUX!?'' Mituna yells pointing at Eridan. ''It's my annoying piece of shit friend Eridan.''

''Why thank you Sollux.'' Eridan retorts his voice flat.

Mituna flops down and starts rolling around making a point to kick Karkat in the back. ''Don't thart this Mituna.'' says Sollux patiently,''Where is Latula?''

''I don't know.'' Mituna says stuburnly.

''Don't ignore her, she probably wants to cuddle right now.'' Sollux suggests.

''Why so you can cuddle ~karkat~'' Mituna singsongs.

''OOH MY GOG YOU ARE ANNOYING AS FUCK!'' Karkat all but screams.

''SUCK MY ASS MUTANT!'' Mituna screams.

Eridan blinks,''Ummm. I think I've had enough of this for today...''

Eridan stands up and dust himself off,''I'll talk to you later Karkat okay?''

Karkat nods distracted by Mituna trying to fight him consistantly.

''Get your fucking dancestor before I throw him off of this roof.'' Karkat yells aggravated.

''Mituna. C'mon, what'th bothering you?'' Sollux asks. Mituna whines,''You don't spend time with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! It's all about Karkat!''

''You know that's not true. Go on a date with Latula okay? I'll chill with you later okay?''

''Chill? Bro? Are you trying to deny what we are? Are you embarassed!? ahbuiidshihduishiosjqioehiuwlhjsoidjhioejfioejfoi fuck! Why!?'' Mituna screams.''

''Mituna let'th dithcuth thith later.'' Sollux says blushing.

Mituna seeths,''JASHOYUGEDSWUJHDSIW0SOJDHUY8EGET6RQWRFWSTIYWAH9PIOMDEPWFNYEDUSBGEW6397GEDUWQNBD FUCK YOU SOLLUX DNWSHB8YSOHBDUISDBGVYUFDVNBMINDSO,MFCODM AAAAAAH!'' He storms off.

Karkat blinks,''What just happened?''

''This is too much polyamorous dithcuthon for one day. Wanna go on a date or do something pothitive?'' Sollux says trying to forget the drama.

''Yeah sure.'' Karkat says shrugging,''But how about we just hang out here...And lock the door this time, you remember what happened last time when we didn't...''

''Oh Gog. Mituna.'' Sollux shook his head and walked back into the hive with Karkat.


	2. Chapter 2

''Ugh nsdwiabhdusaivdgt6wf87ihow9upeiojmndfung7iyurvf!'' Mituna yells.

Kurloz makes a sad face at him. They were both sitting on Kurloz' bed. ''I don't know what's wrong with me!? Why do I get so upset when he spends time with Karkat?''

Kurloz shrugs and tilts his head. Mituna is in a matesprit with Latula, Kurloz, and Sollux. ''Why do I like my dancestor? It's so difficult!''

Kurloz signs,_''Cronus has been trying to form a matespritship with his dancestor.''_

''But Cronus is a fucking weirdo.'' Mituna dismisses.

_''And we're not?''_ Kurloz says.

''You have a point Kurloz.''

_''I'll see if I can help you figure this out because you don't behave like this with me or Latula. Maybe it's something you need to work out with Sollux.''_

''You're right Kurloz. By the way who are you dating?''

_''You and my hand.'' _He answers with a straight face, Mituna laughs out loud when Kurloz makes jerking motions.

''Really?'' Mituna says not beliving him.

_''After the 'incident' I rather not date. The reason why you and me are still together is because you helped me with my depression and helped me to stop feeling so damn guilty. I needed you. And you were there for me. I love you Mituna.''_

''Aw I love you too Kurloz.'' Mituna said and then they embraced,''How about we go watch a movie or something?''

Kurloz smiles and shrugs.

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Eridan walks into his hive that he shares with his dancestor. All of the trolls share their hives with their dancestors.

''Wvhat's up Eri?'' Cronus says, he was sitting on the couch watching tv and smoking a cigerette. ''Nothings up. Just about to go to my room.''

Cronus jumped up from the couch,''Wvell I was wondering if you wanted to hang out or somethin'.''

''Nah.'' Eridan answers.

''Why not?'' Cronus asks.

''I havve a lot on my mind kay?'' Eridan says walking past him.

''Hm really? Want to talk about it?'' Cronus suggests.

''No.'' Eridan says.

''At least give me a hint as to what it's about?''

''Quadrants.'' Eridan says with a flat face.

''Are you having girl troubles?'' Cronus asks tilting his head.

''No.'' Eridan says boredly.

Cronus sighs and looks down sadly. Eridan knew he had hurt his dancestor's feelings with his cold attitude. ''I'm sorry Cronus. I didn't mean to come off as a jerk. I am just balancing a lot.''

''With the girl?''

''Wwell...''

''Wvell wvhat?'' Cronus asks interested.

''Well they are not girls.''

''They? Not girls? Wvell that's cool. Competition but good.'' Cronus shrugs.

''Will you give up already ya perv!?'' Eridan says rolling his eyes.

Cronus looks up as if he's thinking about it,''Hmmm...Nope.'' He chuckles,''So who are they?''

''None of your business.''

''Are they fighting over you?''

''No it's an open matespritship.'' Eridan answered.

Cronus blinks. And looks as if he's thinking it over,''Hmmm... That's not too bad of a situation to be in. So what's the problem?''

''Nothing. I just want to be alone.'' Eridan answers, he walks away to his room. Cronus watches him walk away feeling puzzled. Why is that boy always so darn gloomy?

* * *

Sollux and Karkat were on Sollux' bed making out when Karkat's phone started vibrating like crazy. Karkat looked down and read the messages.

** The Insufferable :( (90 messages)**

** (latest messages)**

** Karkat! Where in the heavens are y9u?**

** Answer me!**

** This is Triggering! I feel s9 triggered 6y y9u consistantly ignoring me!**

** That's it you are grounded!**

** WHY DID I FIND A PAIL IN Y9UR R99M!? Y9U ARE IN 6IG TROUBLE MISTER!**

** I am so offended by the fact that you even dared to bring this filth into this hive! I am confiscating your mobile device as soon as you return. I have deleted all of your filthy smut from your laptop! AND I SAW A PICTURE OF YOU PARTIALLY NUDE! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!**

** WHO DID YOU SEND THAT TO!?**

** I searched through your messages. THIS IS APALLING. I AM TAKING AWAY YOUR LAPTOP FOR A WHILE ARE YOU AND SOLLUX CAPTOR FILLING THE PAIL! OH NO SIR! THIS WILL NOT DO!**

** NO TV. NO COMPUTER. NO VIDEO FRIEND VISITS. JUST AH I AM SO TRIGGERED I CAN'T EVEN!**

Karkat showed the messages to Sollux,''See you're not the only one with a crazy as hell dancestor.''

Sollux bursted out laughing at the messages,''Oh Gog. I can't even!''

Karkat texted back.

**Chill Kankri. I'm 9.69 solar sweeps now.**

Karkat's phone blew up once again.

**The Insufferable: CHILL!? Oh my goodness. Just speak proper English please! And where are you!? And I don't care if you're 100 solar sweeps old! **

**Karkat: I'm not tellin' you. And just beccause you're celibate doesn't mean you need to make EVERYONE like you. Just ugh.''**

**The Insufferable: That was very very VERY triggering! I'm crying now! I can't deal with this Karkat! you know that I only want the best for you. Don't you want to be pure. Pure of any dirty acts. Clean. Innocent.**

**Karkat: No thank you. Could you please leave me alone you get on my fucking nerves so badly.**

**The Insufferable: Fine be that way! I took everything entertaining (even your posters) Out of your room by the way.**

Karkat screamed,''I can't take it! I can't take him! We need to just run far away from these whackos!''

''They'd make a search party for us ASAP. you know that.'' Sollux says shrugging.

''I just want to know what his deal is.''

''Okay. See it this way. You two are techincally the same person. So when he thinks of me dirtying you and stealing your innocence he feels like I'm dirtying him and stealing his innocence too if that makes any sense. He feels offended by me touching ''him'' and polluting ''him''.'' Sollux says softly.

''Wow that's deep. I didn't think of it that way.''

Karkat decides to text an apology to his Dancestor.

**Karkat: HEY I KNOW THAT I'M A MAJOR JACKASS OKAY BUT I FUCKING HATE HOW CONTROLLING YOU ARE YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SHIT.**

**The insufferable: Hmph.**

**Karkat: Why are you so upset exactly?**

**The insufferable: You wouldn't listen anyway. All you hear is blah blah blah. Trigger this trigger that. I'm done. Don't talk to me.**

Karkat sighs in frustration and let's Sollux read the message.

Sollux then takes the phone and types.

**Karkat: Maybe we need to find a calmer way to discuss things. I love you Kankri. I know I don't show it well but I really do love you.''**

**The insufferable:...**

**Karkat: I love you.**

**The insufferable: I-I don't know about this. I just feel like you're trying to shut me up.**

**Karkat:I'm trying to be honest.**

**The insufferable:That doesn't change the fact that you let other trolls touch you in places they shouldn't! **

**Karkat: I can't be celibate like you! I have desires. Needs.**

**The insufferable: TRIGGERING! 0_O**

**Karkat: Why? Why is it so very triggering!?**

**The insufferable:...**

**The Insufferable has disconnected.**

Karkat sighs,''I don't even know anymore.''


End file.
